In his post Addition by Subtraction in Non Profit Marketing (or how Coke’s brand would work as a non-profit), Nick Ellinger of DonorVoice effectively points out that Coke’s success isn’t attributable to adding ‘new things’. Coke is successful because it took out what is generic.

So what is generic for your nonprofit? One great candidate is the thank you letter.

Nick asks, “Does yours say something like: ‘Thank you for making your generous donation. What we do wouldn’t be possible without people like you. You can learn more about the impact you are having at boringnonprofit.org.’ So does everyone else’s.”

So it was by happy coincidence that the next day I received a report from Adrian Salmon, VP of Grenzebach Glier and Associates’ London operation.

With Adrian’s permission, here’s his report, in full:

“I’m at the CASE Europe Regular Giving Conference, and yesterday Sophie Mackenzie from the University of Dundee, and Stephanie Miller from Edinburgh Napier University ran a great session on small shop stewardship.

“They did a fun, and valuable, exercise getting us to rewrite thank you letters to fictional characters, and a few people have asked me to share the one I did for a certain Mr. H Potter, of 24 Unicorn Lane, Godric’s Hollow.

Here’s the ‘before’:

Dear Mr. Potter

On behalf of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we would like to express our gratitude for your gift of £100 towards the Dumbledore Scholarship Fund.

Hogwarts is one of the most prestigious Schools of Magic and was rated 1st in the global rankings by the Times Good Magic School Guide. Our teaching is of the highest quality and we pride ourselves on producing the most excellent witches and wizards in each graduating class.

The Dumbledore Scholarship provides financial assistance to those students for whom a magical education would otherwise be out of the question. Since its establishment, it has enabled us to award 200 students with the means to purchase necessary items for their classes, relieving some of the monetary burden of magical schooling on their parents.

Yours sincerely

Professor Minerva McGonagall

Headmistress

“Many universities send thank you letters like this! It’s orotund, institution-centric, and have you noticed that it doesn’t actually use the words ‘thank you’ anywhere in the copy? [Editor’s Note: Adrian, not just universities but virtually every type of nonprofit are culprits.]

“So, inspired by the brilliant Lisa Sargent, I decided to throw all of that out and concentrate on the emotional content of what Harry has actually done with his gift.

Here’s my ‘after’:

Dear Harry, 

Thanks to you, an owl will fly this summer.

Do you remember the day your first owl arrived from Hogwarts? Whether you came from a magical family or not, I’m sure the excitement you felt was just the same.

You have just given that feeling to a new student who’ll start at Hogwarts this autumn, thanks to your gift to the Dumbledore Scholarship Fund. They’ll be on Platform 9 3/4, taking that first boat across the lake, and being Sorted into their House, all thanks to you.

Thank you for ensuring, once again, that help at Hogwarts will always be given to those who ask for it.

Yours in magic,

Professor Minerva McGonagall

Headmistress”

Thank you Adrian Salmon. Thank you Lisa Sargent for your Thank You Letter Clinic at SOFII .

And thanks, in advance to Agitator readers who wish to share examples of what you’re doing to lift generic thank yous out of the sea of sameness.

Roger