In a move aimed at demonstrating The Agitator’s commitment to relationship building and better serving our readers, our Executive Management Board today announced the launch of a worldwide dating and match-making service designed exclusively for fundraisers.

The Board announcement read in part: “Too many fundraisers have no love life. Too often we’ve seen that look of lonely desperation on their faces in the corridors of fundraising conferences. It’s time to bring the passion back to fundraising.”

The decision to offer the service globally was reached following months of beta testing. Tom Belford, long a proponent of the undertaking, noted, “Our tests show it’s wildly popular in North America, Asia and in every part of Europe — except the U.K.“

According to Belford,  “In our early surveys, focus groups and live tests it was clear the Brits were simply not responsive. Suffering from surprisingly low self-esteem, Brits often described themselves as simply ‘aloof’, ‘remote’, ‘unmatchable’ or ‘unromantic’.

A variety of names were tossed about before settling on a simple moniker for the new service – ‘RFM DATING’. Among the alternatives: ‘Call to Action’,  ‘No Strings Asking’ and ‘2:1 Match’.

Within the fundraising community, copywriters seem most enthusiastic about the service … apparently because they believe they have the edge in making up stories that sell. Exclaimed veteran copywriter Bob [surnames withheld], “Where was this service 30 years ago, when I was in my prime?!”

Research also indicates that direct response fundraisers plan to use the service to “spam for numbers”, as online fundraiser Frank enthused, whereas, as Development Director Penelope put it, “Major gift fundraisers will be aiming to find that ‘special someone’.”

“Keeping it simple for this audience is key,” noted Roger Craver. “I think we got it right because after only two weeks in the beta test we had our first wedding, which took place between an envelope salesman and a major gifts officer at a U.S. Postal Service distribution center during the AFP conference in San Antonio two weeks ago.”

“This is not a slam dunk,” said analyst Kevin Schulman over at DonorVoice. “More and more, dating and matchmaking sites are competing for tighter and smaller niche markets. Mature dating, single parent dating, farmer dating. uniformed officer dating, and even lapsed donor dating have split the market. Further, our research shows that many fundraisers simply don’t even like other people, let alone value relationships.”

Beta testing indicated that offering convention and conference meet-ups, barring data analysts and IT staff from participation, and promising plush toy animals to dissatisfied daters were key benefits noted by prospective customers.

RFM DATING is not without its critics. Jeff Brooks at FutureFundraisingNow argues, “Not only is the branding lousy, there are no pictures. Like so much in this industry, the relationships are based on fantasy. This is a perfect prescription for lousy retention. And that plush toy gimmick is sickening.”

Clearly stung, Belford shot back: “Look, fundraisers need love and stuffed pandas too. Anyway, fundraisers bathe in fantasy already. Have you ever seen a typical fundraising plan?”

In an effort to calm the heated exchange Craver pointed out, “Hey, we’re not promising lifetime value here, disappointed daters can always complain to Charity Navigator.”

The overwhelmingly positive reaction from beta test fundraisers was the principal factor in the Executive Management Committee’s decision to move forward.

However, not all customers were satisfied. “Hey, this is no different than real life,” wrote Delores, a 32 year-old annual fund director. “I’ve filled out the online questionnaire and all I get are obese guys in their 50s who can’t spell.” And fundraiser Vicki wrote: “You need some quality control. I’m turned off by all these ‘Hot Boomer seeks adoring Millennial willing to learn’ messages.”

To help refine the launch version, The Agitator has retained Steve MacLaughlin, head of the Idea Lab at Blackbaud, to tweak the online questionnaire and algorithms that drive the program.

Currently, the website questionnaire asks three simple questions:

1. Gender?
2. Gender Preference?
3. Do you have a pulse?

In a joint memo to the Agitator Executive Board, both Craver and Belford, angrily reacting to the MacLaughlin appointment, pointed out that investing in more sophisticated matching algorithms was a waste of money. “Since when have fundraisers been so damn picky?”

Roger and Tom

P.S. You can charge RFM DATING to your personal or business credit card. Your dating fee will appear discretely on your monthly bill as ‘Donor Cultivation’.