When a donor doesn’t give, we usually default to two explanations:

• The timing must’ve been off.
• We didn’t make it emotional enough.

The fix? Try again. Ask harder, add more urgency., insert a sadder story.

But behavioral science tells us something else might be going on: people avoid emotionally triggering fundraising not because it wasn’t moving enough but because it was too effective.  They didn’t avoid the ask because it failed to stir them. They avoided it because it would have.

Some donors actively seek out emotional appeals to reinforce their intent to give. Others sidestep those same appeals to maintain control. In both cases, the donor is regulating their behavior to stay aligned with the version of themselves they want to be.

That’s not a failure of message. That’s a failure of design.  So how do we fix the design?

1. Start with Trait + Identity

Whether someone seeks out emotion or sidesteps it isn’t random, it’s explainable. Part of it is trait-based:

• High Agreeableness? More open to compassion.
• High Conscientiousness? Leans toward duty and order.
• High Neuroticism? May avoid intense emotion to avoid overwhelm.

But trait isn’t the whole picture.

Identity is the multiplier. Someone might avoid all emotionally-charged asks unless it’s their cause, their community and their fight.

That’s why DonorVoice uses both: trait tagging (from 3rd-party data) and identity tagging (from survey, 3rd party and behavioral signals). Not because it sounds smart but because it makes strategy smarter.

2. Design Two Routes, Not One

You need separate tracks:

• One for donors who want to feel something and be moved to act.
• One for donors who want control, autonomy, and emotional distance.  Those disaster donors, moved by external impulse likely live here.

The first says, “Show me why it matters.” The second says, “Let me decide why it matters.”

Both are valid, both are generous and both need a path.

3. Use Emotion as Opt-In Commitment, Not Autoplay Guilt Trip

People with the right Identity+Trait combo will chose to watch an emotionally difficult video, as a for instance, to help themselves follow through on their better impulses.  That’s a voluntary commitment mechanism.

You can design for that:

• Let donors opt into stories.
• Build pledge walls or storytelling journeys.
• Give them ways to self-activate before you ask.

4. Stop Interpreting Avoidance as Lack of Emotion

If someone avoids the emotional ask, it doesn’t mean they weren’t moved. It might mean they were too moved or didn’t want to be.  Avoidance is not apathy. It can be emotional self-regulation. Or friction. Or fear of being manipulated.

The fix isn’t more intensity. It’s more respect.

Offer:

• Lower-pressure framing
• Messages that focus on agency and outcomes
• Identity-based appeals that don’t require emotional overload

Donors aren’t unmotivated, they’re navigating motivation.  If they didn’t take your path, maybe it’s not the donor that needs rethinking, maybe it’s the path.

Kevin