You can hardly move today without being asked for your feedback.  Over a year ago, I charted a week of feedback and found every transaction asked me for feedback except for a parking lot, a local Chinese restaurant, and an airline that stranded me in a city for a night without paying for my hotel room then sent me home through an entirely different city.  Not that I’m still bitter.

Even the US Postal Service and the hotel where the desk clerk was asleep asked for feedback.  I argued then that if you don’t ask for feedback, you are worse at donor services than the USPS.

But what if people are now being flooded with surveys and now hate them?  What if their ubiquity has sapped them of any meaning?  You’ll see this argument put out there seriously in articles like “The Inventor of Customer Satisfaction Surveys Is Sick of Them, Too” for Bloomberg (I’m not linking to this piece because 1) he wasn’t the inventor of customer satisfaction surveys and 2) he didn’t say he was sick of all customer surveys.  However, everything else in the title of the article (“The”, “of”, and “Too”) is 100% true.)  And you’ll see polls that say 70% of people are sick of giving feedback (despite polls being a form of feedback, making this the most ouroboros-y poll since the true/false question “the answer to this question is false”).

So let’s answer the question: do people like to have questions asked of them?  Huang et al tested this in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. They analyzed getting-to-know-you conversations online as well as face-to-face speed dating conversations.  The paper is well worth a read for full methodology and such, but the short version is:

• The more questions you asked, the more people liked you.
• People didn’t think that questions would relate to liking, meaning that this influence technique flies under the radar.
• The most effective questions for liking is the follow-up question based on what a person just said. Those questions that were a full switch to a different topic decreased liking.  Thus, as we talk about getting feedback, questions that follow satisfaction questions like “We’re glad you enjoyed donating.  What did you like best?” or “We’re sorry we didn’t have a good online experience.  What can we do better?” are important ones.

These sound like basic instructions on how to be a decent conversationalist.  But it’s good to see that the conventional wisdom is true.  And it sets into stark relief how we don’t always follow these conversational norms as we try to turn a transition into a relationship with donors.

Perhaps most important is why the researchers believe asking questions increases liking.  To wit:

“We suggest that asking questions increases liking because doing so indicates responsiveness, a desirable interpersonal construct identified by prior research that encompasses the verbal and nonverbal behaviors that fulfill the needs and wishes of one’s conversation partner.”

So question asking is a form of responsiveness, which increases liking.  So how do I create responsiveness?  Returning to the paper:

“Reis and Shaver (1988) developed a model of interpersonal intimacy that defines responsiveness as reflecting three components: understanding, validation, and care for the partner. First, the understanding component of responsiveness refers to accurately comprehending the question-responder’s self-perceptions—their needs, goals, beliefs, emotions, and life situation.  By asking questions, one elicits information from the partner, including facts, attitudes, preferences, and emotional expressions, which help to more accurately and appropriately understand one’s partner…

Second, the validation component of responsiveness is defined as valuing and respecting the partner’s self-perceptions and perspectives… By asking questions, you acknowledge that the partner’s perspective is valuable enough that you want to know more. By soliciting more information from the partner, asking a question expresses interest in the partner’s viewpoint.

Finally, the caring component of responsiveness means showing affection and concern for the partner. Especially in initial interactions that are often devoid of prior relational information, asking questions is likely to signal care for the partner.”

Understanding.  Validation.  Care. How many surveys do you take that convey this?

I suspect that much of the backlash against surveys is against surveys that don’t let you say the things you want to say (understanding), acknowledge your viewpoint is valid (validation), and/or make any difference (care).  That why when we set up feedback systems, even the automatic responses vary based on how much you care about the organization and whether you enjoyed your interaction.  Open-ended questions also give constituents the opportunity to praise or vent and donor services members follow up on specific points raised.  One organization has even started incorporating things they did based on their donors’ feedback into an annual letter to donors as a way of showing that they care about the responses.

This liking leads to results.  Not just better processes – although that alone is a reason to do it – but also increased donations:

Why you should listen to donors – reason #4. Our researcher has just debriefed me on a recent legacy study and said "BTW, 3 of the people I spoke to are going to their solicitors NOW to change their Will in the charity's favour beacuse they valued being asked their opinions."

— Mark Phillips (@Markyphillips) November 30, 2017

So if someone asks you if people are sick of post-interaction surveys, tell them that people might be sick of the surveys that suck.  But there will always be a place for a quality survey that provides valuable feedback that is acted on.

And like that person a little bit more based on the fact they asked you a question.  After all, it’s science!