Don’t Ask. Don’t Thank.
Tom and I spend lots of time and spill lots of digital ink over building donor relationships, the importance of retention and donor experience.
So I was mighty pleased to see that our UK fundraising friend Matthew Sherrington has managed to distill a lot of what we’ve had to say into a single post.
In a SOFII piece titled Why Asking and Thanking Is All Wrong Matthew, who loves to rattle the cage of conventional wisdom, quickly reviews — then dismisses — many of the niceties and intricacies over asking and thanking donors.
After citing lots of good stuff already written on the subject [Give Donors a Break by Richard Radcliffe, Give donors the opportunity to give by the Veritus Group, The Anatomy of an Ask by Nonprofit Hub, Always Thank Them at Network for Good, and The Art of Saying Thank You by Richard Turner], Matthew comes to this succinct conclusion:
“Let’s face it, donors don’t really want relationships, but they do respond to being engaged. And it’s true that if you don’t say please, you can’t thank; if you don’t thank, you won’t please.”
Then he delivers this essential insight; he terms it ‘radical’:
“You shouldn’t be asking or thanking donors at all. What exactly do you think they are doing for you? For YOU?”
So what does Matthew think most fundraisers are getting wrong? First they may not understand why folks give in the first place. He cites this moment of epiphany on donor motivation:
“My 14-year-old daughter was recently moved by an insert that fell out of the weekend papers. ‘God that’s awful, we should do something to help. It’s only £3.’ And there you have it. Something in the world is awful. Someone is moved to help to put it right and putting it right is what she cares about, what she wants to do, what she wants to know about. People don’t want to think they are making a ‘gift’ and certainly not to you, so thanking them for it is, well, a bit attention seeking.”
So how should we ‘ask’ and ‘thank’ more effectively?
- Talk up the great results the donor makes happen.
- Illustrate the amazing difference people can make by supporting others.
- Tell more stories of heroism and hope in the face of adversity.
In short …
“Forget about asking. Think instead about offering — offering the opportunity to people to do something amazing for others. And forget about thanking. Think instead about congratulating people for the difference they are making, what they have achieved. Don’t be grateful, be humble: our job as a charity is to help people do their good work in the world. Not the other way around.”
The final ingredient in Matthew’s recipe — an effective thank you letter. He offers two blog posts that cover what he considers the essentials of writing the correct thank-your letter. One by Richard Turner; the other by Katya Andresen.
Do your donors know they are changing the world?
Roger
P.S. Included in Matthew’s post is a terrific example of this thank you letter.
P.P.S. In case you haven’t discovered Lisa Sargent’s Thank You Letter Clinic on SOFII, here’s the link to this treasure trove.
9 responses to “Don’t Ask. Don’t Thank.”
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I’m not an expert in this but a quick search surfaced this article on the effect of tax reforms on 2019’s charitable giving. The researchers didn’t find a reduction. Actually, they observed an “increase in charitable contributions in 2019, even with the lower tax rates and the dramatically smaller number of taxpayers who itemize their […]
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The idea that donors want offers they can’t refuse… offers that impel them to respond… offers that help them to see themselves as the best versions of themselves… offers that help them to feel good about themselves because they’re doing the right and just thing… is not radical. Unless, of course, you work at the majority of nonprofits on the planet who don’t take the time to get donor-centered.
Matthew is spot-on is saying it’s important to think about the perspective of the donor. But we can’t say, categorically, that “donors don’t really want relationships.” Some of them do. Some of them don’t. Some don’t care that much one way or the other.
It’s not black and white. Just because some folks aren’t interested in a “relationship” with your organization doesn’t mean you should give up on a gratitude-based relationship strategy for those who enjoy making “gifts.” These folks also tend to want to “belong” to a community. They want to be part of your “family.” It brings meaning to their life. And these are the folks, often, who leave legacy gifts.
And, yes, ultimately it can be argued that donors don’t give to you, but through you to make an impact on an issue they care about. It’s true. Yet at the same time many folks do give to organizations they love. To board presidents and executive directors they admire. And they want you to notice their gesture and extend your gratitude. In fact, this may be all they want — they may not even want to be further engaged than the 3 biggies from Penelope Burk: (1) prompt thank you; (2) personal thank you, and (3) report on the outcome, without another ask.
To me, gratitude is a wonderful thing. It’s a contagious thing. Gratitude does all sorts of positive things, both for the giver and the recipient. There is fascinating work being done on this subject by the Greater Good Institute at the University of California in Berkeley. http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/expandinggratitude
Being helpful and humble is good too. 🙂
Not meant in an attention-seeking way, but thanks a million for the shout-out. However are you guys positing that thanking, gratitude, and asking are now wrong? If so, you’ll want to remove that link to my SOFII clinics: According to this, it is dead. (Results and retention, though, tell a different story.) Have I misinterpreted these posts?
PS: As a fundraising practitioner, I’m forever with Claire: gratitude is huge, along with the powerful neuroscience that accompanies it.
Hi Lisa,
Far from arguing that thanking and gratitude are no longer appropriate we’re saying just the opposite. Matthew’s post challenges us all to make certain we invest more thinking and care into this important process.
I’ll let Matthew speak for himself, but I read his post as an admonition to move “thank yous” away from the merely transactional (I call it ‘creative receipting’) to messaging that conveys the awesomeness of the donor.
Roger
Whew. Thanks Roger! Creative receipting. Love that.
Thanks Roger, for featuring my post. I’m delighted it’s had another airing on SOFII, after being on 101Fundraising last year. It’s very topical in the UK this year, with so much public disquiet and media scrutiny on fundraising practices.
To reassure you, Lisa, Roger is spot on. No, I’m not asking, saying thank you and gratitude is wrong. The point of my blog is about being donor-centred, and keeping the focus on the donor’s impact, not their gift to the organisation. It ends specifically with an exhortation to go away and write that thank you letter, but in the right frame of mind! I’m urging people to ask and thank from a different place.
And I don’t disagree with you Claire, on the relationship question, though of course I am stirring it up a bit, because thinking differently and a bit laterally is much needed when so much fundraising is horribly pat and formulaic. If supporters arrive at a feeling that they have a relationship (beyond the functional transactional type), that’s a wonderful outcome of great donor-centred engagement. But I think a lot of communications assumes a relationship that doesn’t (yet) exist, and is misplaced. Charities serve the donor in helping them do the good in the world they want to do, not the other way round.
But that’s a different 101Fundraising blog – this one! http://101fundraising.org/2014/06/relationship-fundraising-needs-brand-re-fresh-engagement-fundraising/
Thanks for explaining, Matthew! Much appreciated. 🙂
Recently one of my colleagues asked me what one ‘guru’ I had learned the most from. I had to think about it for awhile, because I’ve learned so much from you, Roger, and Tom, and Lisa, and Tom Ahern and countless others. But in my very first fundraising job, I think that I learned the greatest lesson: there was no internet overloaded with fundraising advice, I didn’t know about any of the fundraising associations and, of course, had no budget for training. So I went to our donors. I found a handful, 20, of loyal donors. Keep in mind, these were individuals who had given every year, year after year, despite crap stewardship, despite NO reporting – and I asked them why they gave (of course I thanked them first). You can learn so much from your donors, if only you’re willing to listen.
And, not to toot my own horn, but I’d love to direct your readers to this month’s Nonprofit Blog Carnival on abundance for further reading. http://www.pamelagrow.com/7036/november-nonprofit-blog-carnival-a-call-to-abundance/ Pay particular attention to the first post featured, from Rachel Ramjattan, CFRE. “Whether the fruits of our labor inspire people to work in our vineyard or somewhere else, the world benefits from increased philanthropy.” AMEN.
I love you all so much I can barely stand it: Roger & Tom, Claire, Matthew, Lisa and Pam. Of course (true story), I’m in New Orleans in a bar on my 2nd martini (the legal minimum in the Big Easy), so even the parrot is starting to sound good. “But seriously….” While here, with several boatloads of fundraisers at my mercy for two days, I cited The Agitator repeatedly, finally saying, “Look, if you take this work seriously, subscribe!” And this post and these comments are why I can say that with full assurance satisfaction is guaranteed. You deliver the best professional crack (the Irish meaning) in our world.
We’re cool Matthew and Roger! Thanks for the further edification. I agree that cookie cutter approaches are banal and boring and B.A.D. Assuming a relationship is like inserting the donor’s name in six different places in the letter. Obviously. Not. Meaningful.
Exhorting folks to come from a place of true gratitude — now that’s the ticket! I always suggest to fundraisers that they stop and reflect for a moment on WHY they are thankful to donors (or, better yet, a particular donor) before they sit down to pen a thank you note.
You are all terrific.