Picture this: Most nonprofits are places where 7 out of 10 freshly acquired donors vanish faster than free bagels at a staff meeting.

You’d think CEOs and fundraisers would be crawling over each other, eager to hear what donors have to say about how we might keep them around.

 But alas, we’re too busy rehearsing our next “we’re donor-centric” speech to actually ask, “Hey, donor, what’s on your mind?” It’s like that old joke: everyone wants to talk, but no one wants to listen. And so, here we are, preaching to the silent air, hoping someone might be listening.

Meanwhile, the commercial world? They figured it out long ago. From hotel chains to blender manufacturers, they’re constantly checking in: How was your stay? Did that flight go okay? Were you happy with your smoothie?

And then—and here’s the kicker—they actually listen to your answers. They adjust, improve, innovate, all so you’ll come back. Meanwhile, in Nonprofit Land, our idea of engagement is a quick “Thanks for your gift!” email, tossed out like a penny in a fountain, with no idea if the donor even received it, no way we’ll send them a real thank you, much less care if they’ll ever return.

Excuses. Excuses. Excuses.

Stanford’s Social Innovation Review ran a survey that could have been our wake-up call. They found that 88% of nonprofit leaders say they “prioritize” feedback, with a bold emphasis on “prioritize.” But then you dig a little deeper, and only 13% of them actually gather it. Let’s break that down: they’re prioritizing feedback by…not collecting it. When asked why, they point to the usual suspects: two-thirds said “staff time” is too tight, and 20% claimed it’s too costly. Of course, free and low-cost feedback tools are practically lying around, but hey, why let the facts spoil a good excuse?

And so, here we are, still clinging to the old fundraising toolkit, worrying about the transactional details—the fonts in our appeals, the donation ask amounts, the timing of our follow-ups—while the whole reason donors are supposed to care slips through our fingers.

Frankly, it’s as if we think that if we just say “Thank you!” loud enough in those auto responders or tax receipts, loyalty will magically follow. But the truth is, we’re like a bad wedding DJ playing to an empty dance floor, convinced that volume alone will bring the party back.

As the late Kris Kristofferson sang, “And you still can hear me singin’ to the people who don’t listen, to the things that I am sayin’, prayin’ someone’s gonna hear.”

That’s the predicament, isn’t it? We’re out here, preaching donor love, hoping someone’s paying attention, but our donors are often walking out the door mid-song. Yet here we go, not changing our tune, and wondering why we’re not seeing the retention we’re after.

Fundraising’s Silver Bullet

Here’s a silver bullet for fundraising, and it’s so easy it almost feels like cheating: ask donors what they think.

Just by seeking feedback—“What connects you to our mission?  What was your experience?”—you’ll get loyalty that lasts and gifts that grow. It’s been proven over and over: collect and act on feedback and six months later, they’re still around, feeling more invested, and often giving more. We’ve got studies that show it, case after case, but the nonprofit sector still treats listening to donors like it’s some mystical art, only to be dabbled in by those few brave enough to think it could work.

Just look at what feedback does in the for-profit world: they know exactly what breakfast you like and remember that weird pillow request you made three years ago. Meanwhile, here we are, mostly clueless about why our donors gave in the first place.

The sad truth? Most of us don’t even try to find out, even though the feedback tools exist, often for next to nothing. And all the while, we’re “prayin’ someone’s gonna hear.”

ROI Bonus

It’s not as if asking for feedback is a Herculean task. Josh Whichard over at Donor Voice has seen incredible ROI with everything from Facebook surveys to donation page abandonment feedback. He’s on a whole other level, using surveys not just to say “Hello” but to get real insights: “Why are you here? Will you come back? Would you like to share this journey with your family?” And those donors feel like they’re a part of the cause. But if you ask most nonprofits to step up to that plate, they suddenly have “other priorities.”

Kristofferson nailed it with, “I guess I’ll die explainin’ how the things that they complain about are things they could be changin’, hopin’ someone’s gonna care.”

Nonprofits talk endlessly about the need for retention, about building “long-term relationships,” yet when it comes down to it, most choose to do nothing. They spend more time making the process easy for themselves than they do thinking about the donor. What’s the cost of that inaction? Well, it’s millions in lost donations and legions of donors slipping away.

If nonprofits want to thrive, they’ll need to do more than mail out another glossy appeal or email that glows in the dark. They’ll need to relentlessly ask: “Is this easy for the donor? Is this what they care about?” They’ll have to remember that two ears were given to us for a reason, and they’ll have to start using them if they hope to build lasting bonds.

But until then, here we are, standing alone on the stage, singing to an empty room because we don’t seek feedback. As Kristofferson reminds us, “The things they could be changin’” keep slipping through our fingers while we’re busy praying someone’s listening, but not doing anything to find out.

Roger