Mother Said …
Dorothy Craver died last night. She was 99 and ¾. She was my Mother.
I will miss her lots. I owe her so much.
Normally I don’t traffic in personal reminiscence in The Agitator, except to remind Tom of our shared past and our mutual obligations to the future of the nonprofit community.
This is an exception.
Every fundraising copywriter writes — or should — with an individual, a real person in mind. That audience of one informs the setting and style of the story, determines how the vision of a new and higher horizon should be portrayed, and reflects the determination to get things done for real human beings.
Dorothy Craver was my audience of one. And she was a mighty tough audience with a sharp and critical tongue for the stupid and corrupt and a heart of soft gold for the underdog, the dispossessed and those suffering. Those qualities formed the curriculum and set the standards of my life as a fundraiser.
A couple of memories come flooding back, especially in this sad moment.
My brother Chip, also a copywriter, and I grew up in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. While known for Pickett’s Charge and Lincoln’s Address it was also a massive burial ground for the fallen from World War II and Korea.
My father was a florist and along with my mother, brother and myself we got to know the families of the fallen buried in the National Cemetery because we provided the funeral flowers.
We got to know them and serve them year after year because Dorothy Craver insisted that each time we placed flowers on a grave we photographed the arrangement or wreath and sent the photograph along with a personal note to the family. And we had to do it within three days — the length of time in that pre-digital era that it took a film processor to return the photos.
And we got to know about migrant labor in the surrounding Adams County, one of the nation’s largest growers of apples. That’s because every Saturday morning from the time we were 8 and 10 until we went off to college Dorothy Craver insisted that Chip and I join her picket line protesting the county hospital’s refusal to treat impoverished migrant workers who had no means to pay.
Long before Martin Luther King we learned about civil rights when Dorothy determined it was time to integrate the local branch of the U.S. Postal Service. In a virtually all-white southern Pennsylvania town bordering on the Mason-Dixon Line this was not a popular stand. Even my decent, caring father balked. Balked until one evening at dinner Dorothy summarily announced there would be no sex until that post office was integrated.
And she was the bane of local politicians who plied their back-room trade, only to find themselves exposed, chastised and even shamed at public meetings as Dorothy took the floor to reveal and denounce their self-serving dealings.
Dorothy was never satisfied. Especially with those of us who claimed to be serving the public interest and helping the downtrodden. At a direct mail industry event where I was honored with some accolade, something like ‘professional of the year’, she showed up for what the organizers figured was a nice surprise for me. When asked to deliver some commentary she was brief: “I’ve often wondered if what Roger does is legal.”
Well into my career I was often summoned back to Gettysburg to volunteer for a local YWCA capital campaign … or to help the local NOW or League of Women’s Voters chapters … or to stand out in front of that county hospital in one more picket line.
Dorothy is dead. But the donor, volunteer, activist and caring citizen in her is so very much alive. You’ll see her in my letters and in my ranting about the proper treatment of donors like Dorothy until I’m dead too.
Roger
37 responses to “Mother Said …”
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So sorry for your loss. You are never prepared enough to lose your mother.
My mother’s name is Dorothy – but they always call her Dot. She is strong, opinionated and smart. So her opinions are worth listening to. When I got into nonprofit work, she said GO. I worried about supporting my family and she said, GO. And I have and I have done and I have never looked back.
Your words have always resonated with me, Roger. And I now I know why. Our mother’s put a DOT on the map and said, don’t follow and don’t lead. Just GO.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Hi Roger
Sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. I applaud her commitment not just to a more just society, but also to bringing up her children to share those beliefs – and act on them.
May her values and beliefs live on.
Jill
What an amazing woman. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Loren
Hi Roger, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother Dorothy my friend. She clearly was a remarkable woman who clearly had a huge impact on you and your dedication for fighting against injustice all your life. A big hug to you and I will raise a glass in celebration of the life of Dorothy. Cheers Daryl
I am so sorry for your loss, Roger. You mother was quite a human being, what a wonderful person. God bless you all.
Your mother had a long and full life, Yours has been blessed by her. In turn, we are all blessed by the wisdom your beautiful and courageous mother passed to you. Thank you Dorothy.
I am sorry for your loss Roger, and thankful for what your mother made of her life and yours. Dorothy has made life better for so many and continues to do so through you.
So sorry to hear of your loss. We always have people who are our touchstones, who we write to and for – alas, if only the world were composed of more people like them.
I applaud that you wrote this column today and honored her place in your life. None of our work is (or should be) business as usual, but this is especially important to stop and mark.
JUDY
Roger, really sorry to hear about your mom. Our thoughts and prayers are with you… I’m sure she’ll be ‘checking up on you’ from up above… and thanks for all you do for the Agitator audiences of one… have a good holiday. Erica
Roger,
What a gift she was,and is,to this world. In ways both small and large those we love live on through us. Thank you for keeping the spirit of who she was alive, for sharing it with us and all the many people whose lives you touch.
I am so sorry for your loss, and hope your memories of her will comfort you.
Thinking of you-
Ann
Dear Roger, your eulogy of your mom made me sorry I didn’t know her! Having lost my mom four years ago, I understand the pain and sorrow – you are never quite prepared. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this sad time. May you have God’s peace and comfort. Donna
How fitting that in such a sad moment, we hear a wonderful, life-affirming story.
My thoughts are with you Roger.
Roger,
So sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. And so appreciative of your sharing this beautiful look at her passion and strength.
Sending hugs. Thinking about you.
Fondly,
Nancy
Dear Roger,
So very sorry to read about the death of your mother, but what a treat to learn about the passionate and principled person she raised you to be. Your mother was one heck of a person. Thank you for sharing part of her story.
Beautifully said. Condolences.
Dear Roger,
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your Mother was an amazing woman and I hope your many memories of her bring you comfort.
One of the best pieces of copywriting advice I ever got, given to me as I was about to write my first acknowledgement letter in 1991 for the Guttmacher Institute, was “write to your Mom and tell her why you love Guttmacher so much.” I follow that to this day.
In sympathy,
Bonnie
Dear Roger,
Thank you for sharing on a very personal level. My condolences.
I miss those articles she used to clip and send to us to nudge us into caring about this cause or that person. Without Dorothy it’s hard to know what a true progressive donor is thinking or reading. That now rests on your shoulders, Rog. That’s her legacy to you and your’s to so many of us.
She was a smart and sassy lady and she raised two good boys and a lot of hell
Not a bad life at that.
May Dorothy’s memory be forever a blessing.
Roger,
She sounds like an amazing lady and I wish I could have known her.
Thank you for sharing about your Mom.
Scott
A truly stunning tribute Roger to a lady who obviously stood for something many times over!
Perhaps fitting she darn near crushed the century mark…
Wonderful timing as we reflect upon this season and the mother of our lord. I thank you for sharing and extent my condolences.
Oh, Roger. I am crying for you. And thankful for your generous heart in choosing to give us a glimpse of the strong and clearly wonderful woman who was (and always will be) your mother. Hugs from Connecticut this morning. Love Lisa
Roger, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mother taught you well. Peace be with you.
We are so sorry to hear of Dorothy’s passing, Roger. Please know that Simone and I grieve with you, dear friend. Thank you so much for sharing with all of us your vivid tribute to your mom’s clear-eyed justice and tenacity. A world filled with Dorothy Cravers would be exactly right and a wonder to behold.
What an amazing woman and what a legacy she leaves behind. So sorry for your loss. May the memories like those you so kindly shared bring you comfort in the months and years to come.
Roger, I’m so sad to hear about the death of your Mom. It doesn’t matter how old a mom is when she dies – it still hurts very much. She left a wonderful legacy in you.
Roger:
My condolences to you and thank you for sharing the courage and love of your mother, you were truly blessed to have her in your life.
Your tribute to your remarkable mother has touched me deeply. She reminds me of what is important in life, and thanks to you for sharing her life and this message with all of us. May you find comfort in how she was a light in the darkness.
Oh Roger, That was beautiful. What a woman!
I’m so sorry for your loss. It doesn’t really matter how old someone you love it – it’s always too soon. But your mother certainly lives on in you. Maybe we can all take something from the memory of her you shared – an example of how to fight the good fight, caring for those who need us most…
Thank you for sharing her with us.
Thanks Roger, for a lovely tribute to a wonderful-sounding, perceptive woman. I too have often wondered if what you do is legal. Your description is a delight, so here’s to every fundraising copywriter’s ‘audience of one’ and the great job they do of keeping our writing real. Fundraising would be much reduced without them, so it’s right and fitting that Dorothy Craver should live on, as opinionated as ever, whenever you write.
Sincere condolences,
Ken
Roger, I’m so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. While she apparently didn’t teach you how to curb your profanity in polite settings, clearly she did everything else right. And you wrote a beautiful tribute from a son. Our thoughts are with you.
Geoff
Thanks for sharing. My condolences to you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
What a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing your mother with all of us in this way. If everyone had her sense of justice, this world would be a very different place.
Roger, Your mother sounds like an amazing woman. My condolences to you and your family.
She was very proud of you, Roger.
Jerry
What a remarkable and brave woman! A privilege to have her as a mother. No wonder your writings are so incisive and right to the point.
A toast for her spirit.