Mr and Mrs … Kiss Of Death
Blogger Kivi Leroux Miller wants to be recognized when she’s a donor.
I don’t mean ‘recognized’ as in ‘applauded’.
I mean she expects, at least upon reaching some giving level, that a nonprofit to which she donates actually knows that she is a ‘she’ and, making the point that the 2010s are not the 1950s, that she’s not a mere appendage of her husband.
As Roger and I keep harping away, nonprofits need to get serious about customer service. which for nonprofits starts with knowing your donors. Remember this chart from Bloomerang?
Correct name spellings, correct addresses, correct salutations, etc. Can it be more basic?!
Tom
3 responses to “Mr and Mrs … Kiss Of Death”
Behavioral Science Q & A
Thanks so much for raising this. Yes, capturing donor information can be helpful for stewardship like newsletters, thank-you letters, impact updates. But how you ask matters. Forcing full data capture introduces friction that can significantly depress conversion, many donors may simply abandon the process. Beyond the friction itself, required fields also shift the emotional experience […]
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Unlike holidays that everyone already knows, Giving Tuesday is a created event. Many donors recognize the name but not the exact timing, so referencing it becomes a helpful cue. It serves as a reminder and taps into social norm activation (“everyone’s giving today”), which boosts response. However, we still want it paired with the mission, […]
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When a subject line leads with the match (“Your gift matched!”), it risks triggering market-norm thinking: the sense that giving is a financial transaction rather than an act rooted in values, identity, and care. This shift reduces intrinsic motivation and, over time, can weaken donor satisfaction and long-term engagement. It also makes the email indistinguishable […]
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There’s no evidence that QR codes suppress mid-value giving; all available research suggests they either help or have no negative effect. In fact, behavioral and usability research consistently shows the opposite: reducing friction at any point in the donation process increases completion rates and total response. And that has nothing to do with capacity and […]
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What you’re experiencing is very common. Resistance often isn’t about capability, but about motivation quality. If board members feel pushed into fundraising, that triggers controlled motivation (low quality motivation) i.e. obligation, guilt, or fear of judgment, which often results in avoidance. Instead, we need to create conditions for volitional motivation (high quality motivation) by satisfying […]
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That’s a really thoughtful question, and you’re not the first to raise it. Many of our clients have been cautious about placing the ask at the very end. To address their concern, we’ve tested both approaches, and the results are clear: when the ask comes last, even if that means it appears on the second […]
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Thanks for sharing the rant, Tom!
Got to meet Roger in person for the first time yesterday, which was a pleasure, naturally.
Love this. The best information — and solutions — are always the simplest. And the “simple” are often fraught with delicate details. Kudos on this conversation.
Thanks for sharing! I have always hated the outdated and sexist “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe” label, which as you suggest, is indicative of a larger institutional bias toward tradition over donor preference. Between you and Kivi, I now have proof that some of the biggest names in the sector back me up!