If there’s one thing that trips up fundraisers again and again, it’s this: we’re too quick to ask.  This speed over connection choice plays out in the calendar of pushes and within a given appeal.  The fundraising playbook has conditioned us to believe that the sooner we get to the ask, the better the results.

Here’s what the data tells us. We analyzed thousands of telephone fundraising calls, breaking them into two categories: success where donors signed up as monthly givers and failure where they didn’t. The difference? On average, fundraisers made the ask 149 seconds into failed calls versus 231 seconds into successful ones.

The successful calls took 55% more time to get to the ask. That’s time spent doing…what? Storytelling. Connecting. Relating. Building a foundation for the ask to actually work.

Why does this extra time matter so much?

1. Connection Before Conversion

People give because we help them reinforce their values and goals.  This makes them feel in charge, smart and personally connected.  Those extra seconds create space for fundraisers to align with the donor’s identity and values; a deliberate effort to build trust and shared purpose.

2. The Flow of a Good Story

Our brains love stories, but they hate interruptions. When you jump to the ask too soon, it’s like cutting off a movie in the middle to show a commercial—it feels unnatural and annoying. The best fundraisers take time to create a seamless narrative. The ask doesn’t feel like a pivot; it feels like the next chapter.

3. Reducing Cognitive Friction

Decisions take mental energy. Asking for a gift too early forces the donor to make a choice before they’re ready—before they’ve been given enough emotional or rational reasons to say yes. That extra time reduces cognitive friction, making the donor feel more confident and comfortable with their decision.

The Parallel with Fundraising Letters

It’s not just phone calls. We see the same problem in direct mail. Too often, letters follow a predictable (and ineffective) formula:

• Start with a vague, generic statement about the problem.
• Offer a partially developed story—more descriptive than connective.
• Abruptly interrupt the narrative with the ask, like a bad commercial.

In a world where donors can skip commercials, unsubscribe, or swipe left on anything that doesn’t feel authentic, this approach, whose rationale was always lacking, is even more out of sync.

What’s the Alternative?

Think about the successful calls. They take the time to immerse the donor in the story—to create an experience that feels relational, not transactional. The ask becomes the obvious next step, not a jarring demand.

Fundraising isn’t about finding shortcuts. It’s about building bridges. The donors who cross them feel invited, not forced and they’ll reward you by sticiking around because they feel part of something bigger.

Kevin