Every fundraiser has heard some version of the board member excuse when it comes to raising money.

“I don’t know anyone with money.” …“I’m a terrible salesman.”… “I already gave.” …“I’ll help right after the gala.” (The gala, like the horizon, keeps moving.) …“I’d rather write a check than ask for one.” ….“If I ask my friends, they’ll stop returning my calls.”

I’ve heard each one, delivered with a straight face and a glance toward the exit. Nobody is lying, they’re just scared.

In Easy Fundraising and Friendmaking for Board Members, Gail Perry doesn’t scold the excuses. She hands the trustee a job small enough that the excuse stops applying. Her “Friends First Model” splits board work into four roles: Ambassador, Influencer, Occasional Asker and Steward. Trustees need only one. Here is what each job looks like.

Role # 1: Ambassador: spread the word, then invite people in.

Gail wants trustees to be “sneezers,” meaning people who talk about the cause wherever they already are, such as the gym, the hair salon and the family dinner, without making a pitch.

Next comes the invitation. Her main tool is the small social event, an informal gathering at a trustee’s home or porch whose only purpose is to introduce friends to the organization. It follows four rules:

1. A board member does the inviting.
2. Guests pay nothing.
3. Nobody asks for money.
4. The trustee plans the follow-up before the party.

The program takes about 12 minutes: the host says why they care, then a staff leader gives a short message. The rest of the time is conversation.

Gail reports she once hosted such a party on her porch for the Carolina Ballet, where she served on the board. About thirty people came to meet the new artistic director. She introduced one guest, a venture capitalist whose daughter was a dancer, to a staff member. He later became board chair and a key funder.

After any social, Gail thanks each guest and asks, “What were your impressions?”  She also recommends tours of about an hour. At one medical center, staff and clinicians told short stories at each stop, starting with the receptionist.

Role #2: Influencer: make one call.

At University of North Carolina’s business school, Gail asked a trustee to phone a corporate CEO with two sentences of support. The gift arrived and the job took no elaborate ask, no meeting and no script.

Role #3:  Advice visits: 30 minutes mostly listening.

An advice visit is a one-on-one conversation with someone who might care about your cause, and it has one rule: nobody asks for money. A trustee picks up the phone or sends an email: “We’re exploring a new project and would love your perspective. Can we come talk with you about it?” Most people say yes. Asking for someone’s judgment flatters them, and it respects their time.

Then the trustee stops talking. Perry quotes a Bridgespan partner: the biggest mistake in a thirty-minute donor meeting is a thirty-minute pitch. Give five minutes of presentation and leave twenty-five for questions. Her other rules: get out on time, even when the donor still has more to say. Let the donor do the talking. Follow up fast, because the energy fades.

Perry’s Raleigh example shows the payoff. She called a well-known community leader about a project to help struggling high schools and asked to “pick his brain.” He agreed at once. She gave him just enough context, then asked for advice. When he started saying “we” instead of “you,” she knew he had bought in. He named several funders and offered to make the introductions.

Role #4:  Steward: the two-minute thank-you.

Eight in ten first-time donors never give again. Perry cites Penelope Burk’s research that donors who got a personal thank-you call from a board member gave 39% more the next time. At a women’s center auction, a top bidder told her no board member had ever called him. The next year he bought a table and brought the CEO of the state’s largest foundation. At a hospital “thankathon,” one reluctant trustee had a warm chat with a former patient. Two weeks later, an unsolicited $10,000 arrived.

None of this is theory. I’ve watched Gail apply a seemingly inexhaustible supply of enthusiasm and skill for 20+ years, giving practical advice that every nonprofit will find helpful and smaller, understaffed organizations find especially so.

When the Asking Day Arrives  

Gail treats the ask as the last stretch of a long walk, and she gives trustees a tool for each part.

Before the ask, five questions. Gail’s five  Power Questions are a pathway a trustee follows over several conversations, at the donor’s pace, not a script. They start with “How did you come to be a donor?” and move through “What resonates with you most about our work?”, “Tell me more,” and “What do you like to focus on in your giving?” The fifth is the turn: “Would you like to know how you can help?” When the donor says yes, the gift conversation has begun, and the donor chose to start it.

At every step, three habits: Listen. Ask. Watch. When a trustee doesn’t know what to do next, Gail says to fall back on these: Listen and don’t be rehearsing your next sentence. Ask open questions, and ask permission before each move, even permission to ask for the gift. Watch the donor’s face, posture and tone. If the energy drops, slow down and ask a gentle question.

On the day, eight steps.

1. Thank the donor, confirm why you’re meeting, and ask whether they’re comfortable starting.
2. Ask them to tell you “again” what first drew them to the cause. The word signals you have been listening all along, and the donor ends up making your case in their own words.
3. Repeat back what you heard.
4. Describe what is possible, starting with “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if…”
5. Ask with three words, “Would you consider…” Lead with the impact, then name the project, then the amount. Perry’s example: 500 more children in a program over three years, then a $100,000 gift.
6. Stop talking. Gail’s line: whoever speaks first after the ask loses. The donor needs time to think.
7. Welcome questions and options such as a multi-year pledge or a gift of stock.
8. Agree on next steps and follow up promptly. Many donors decide later.

The “I give my time” excuse.

Gail takes on this excuse directly. Trustees should make a “proud personal gift” sized to their means, without a give-or-get quota. As governance chair, she told candidates that everyone on the board gave at least $1,000 and that no one had to match it.

One chapter title deserves a second look. Chapter 29 is called “Succeeding With the Formal Gift Conversation: How to Ask and Never Get Turned Down.” The chapter itself is honest. Gail says many donors won’t decide in the meeting and that questions are a good sign. But the first-time asker, the reader this book is written for, may take the subtitle literally. Then comes “let me think about it,” and the trustee decides they did something wrong. “How to Ask Well, Whatever the Answer” or “How to Ask Without Fear of No” would promise what the chapter delivers: less dread, not zero rejection.

Buy a copy for every trustee before the next board meeting. Tell each one to pick a role and mark that chapter. Then retire the excuses.

— Roger Craver

P.S. If you read one chapter before your next board meeting, read Chapter 14, the Steward chapter (pages 80–85). A two-minute thank-you call is the easiest job on the list. Hand each trustee three donors’ names and a phone as you head into year-end giving season.